She Likes To Read

CW: topics of sexual violence, rape, and drug abuse are discussed

A Gorgeous Excitement is a fictionalization of the Preppy Murder that happened in New York in 1986 where Robert Chambers raped and murdered Jennifer Levin and left her body to be found in Central Park.

We follow Nina, a recent high school grad whose goals for the summer are to avoid her mother’s unpredictable moods and fits of rage and lose her virginity before she heads off to college.

Nina comes from a very privileged background, having graduated from a prestigious private school and living in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Almost nightly, she goes to a bar called Flanagan’s where she meets with her friends to drink and gossip.

Nina’s object of desire is Gardner Reed: a tall, muscular, blue-eyed heartthrob. Nina desperately wants his attention and his affection. Everyone wants Gardner. No one knows just how deeply disturbed he truly is though.

We know from the outset that the story will end with the rape and murder of a girl and from the very beginning the themes of violence against women and victim blaming are present. These themes, while obvious, aren’t obnoxiously in your face which I appreciate. I don’t like when a character breaks character to speak morality at the audience or to shout some quippy Marvel-esque gotcha at someone. When we’re bashed over the head with why something is wrong or right like we’re too stupid to be able to draw conclusions ourselves.

The themes in A Gorgeous Excitement are presented in realistic ways, in ways that are uncomfortably relatable to most, if not all women. It really highlights how women are expected and socialized to prioritize preserving men’s feelings and pride over their own comfort and safety. How the fear of speaking up comes with anxiety around being blamed for letting it happen or accusations of being overdramatic and seeing things that aren’t there.

Nina’s building doorman Freddie has been incredibly creepy towards her for years (Reminder that she’s just recently graduated high school). Every time she enters or exits the building while he’s on shift, he stops her for a hug that’s more akin to a grope that makes Nina very uncomfortable and almost seems to make her dissociate a bit for the duration. She blames herself for letting this happen time and time again feeling that it’s on her that this happens because she doesn’t speak up for herself.

Nina meets Stephanie after Stephanie saves Nina from being threatened by a crazy man in Central Park with a water gun. They become very close friends over the summer and this is how Nina is introduced to cocaine.

Cocaine is a wonderful way to escape for Nina. It makes her feel great. It makes being around her mom and dad more tolerable. She’s more talkative and feels emboldened to speak up for herself. It helps her talk to Gardner. It helps her bond with Stephanie. They’re high majority of the time they spend together.

Coke loses its wonder over time for Nina though. She wants escapism less and less as things in her life begin to change. But for Stephanie, her usage gets more severe. She goes from snorting it to smoking it. Her controlling boyfriend Patrick encourages this. He wants to isolate her from the world. And over time, Stephanie fades out of Nina’s life.

Nina and Gardner become closer over time and his affections towards her are described in ways that seem predatory. He grabs her. Feels her up. Never asks Nina for permission and it genuinely frightens her sometimes. She sees a violent streak in him multiple times when they’re hanging out. He threatens a homeless man with a broken beer bottle. He destroys his friends apartment in a coke-fueled rage. He grabs Nina’s arm so hard it hurts when she throws a stolen watch in the river. He also clearly uses her to get access to her coke. And that easy access to coke is likely the only reason he ever hung out with her in the first place.

When Nina learns about what Gardner did to Alison–a girl who also frequented Flanagan’s and was very much interested in Gardner, her initial reaction is to make excuses as to why it wasn’t his fault. She takes Gardner at his word for what happened despite his story not making sense. It must have been Alison’s fault somehow. Gardner wouldn’t just rape and murder Alison. She feels like it’s the only justification since Gardner technically never hurt her. Nina saw the violence in Gardner but she never provoked it to that degree, so it must have been Alison’s fault she was murdered. It’s easy for her to write it off at first. The gossip around Flanagan’s is all about how Alison was a twisted, degenerate whore deep down. How she was obsessed with Gardner and sent him nude photos. Even the news outlets are victim blaming. There’s not any mention in all the gossip of the scratch marks all over Gardner’s face or the horrible bruises on Alison’s neck and body.

It takes her a long time to come to terms with the fact that Gardner is a monster. She comes home from her first semester of college and walks by his house. She heard he was released on bail and he’s there in the window and beckons her to come up. She wants to tell him she’ll write him a character letter. That she believes him. But when she gets up there her perception of him is shattered. He again only wants to ask if she has any coke. As she looks around the room she sees countless Polaroids of Alison in lingerie or nude that have been defaced by him in strange ways. Staples through the eyes, a cigarette hole burned through the nipple of one of her breasts, one polaroid being used as a way to stabilize a desk leg. All Gardner can say is “I told her to leave me alone”. And Nina finally sees it. The spell is broken and she can see Gardner for who he is and what he’s done.

It’s such a satisfying moment in the story. The entire time we see her make excuse after excuse for everyone’s terrible behavior towards her and the people around her. Frustratingly justifying every awful thing Gardner did. It took time and going off to college for a bit, but she grew.

I really enjoyed A Gorgeous Excitement. I think it’s a fantastic examination of victim blaming and violence against women. It’s gritty and sad and real. It’s also happy and hopeful despite the heaviness. It’s a great coming-of-age story and it’s a perfect summer read.